Hola Mi Amor!

Hola Mi Amor!

Hey there hot pants. How ya doing?! LOL Sorry I just wanted to keep things light as we begin. Well praise God for the reel that just inspired this blog. It’s definitely been on my heart to share with others about my “abstinence opportunities” as a single Christian Woman. I know one of my Sister-Friends from church also brought it up in our Q1 Whole Women’s networking event that she too desires to have some real conversations about being out here in these streets waiting on our husbands! In layman’s terms- can we keep it real and share the collective experiences and “opportunities” we face while single and staying prayerful for a man of God to marry?!

Okay, so I’ve been praying about what to share and how much. Let me put this warning up before I even start digging in… Today’s blog post may be somewhere between Rated R & Rated MA. Obviously I am a woman of God in an entirely new phase or season of my walk with God, AND the deepest I’ve ever been with Him. With that being said, I’m still a human woman with emotions, desires and MOST importantly in this conversation, I have a history! BUT God!!! I pray that someone reading this will find FREEDOM! Freedom from shame and any other lie of the enemy or that you’ve been speaking over yourself and accepting as truth! There is freedom in Christ Jesus and in His Word, the Bible, which is your manual of TRUTH about you hallelujah!

In the last 12 years I have only been with one man, and for these past 17 months I have been abstinent*. Why the asterisk? I think it’s highly important that I keep it 100 not just with myself, but with you as well. The key words in that first sentence were “one man.” Trauma from my youth misunderstood by my partner turned into an instance where another woman was invited into our intimate space. Now I knew I could no longer continue sleeping with anyone due to the impact of my faith journey, that was a given. That was a simple decision for me being that I know he is not who God has for me. But this didn’t mean that my desires sexually suddenly disappeared either!

Fortunately and unfortunately I know my own body all too well. I know what does and doesn’t stimulate me. I know what temperatures that I like. I know what textures I desire. I know different points of penetration that work for me and I know how my creative imagination has played a role in the sexual experiences of my past. So even though I wasn’t physically engaging in sexual activities with another human being anymore, I was facing regular convictions of masturbation.

My childhood, teenage years and into adulthood were plagued with being oversexualized and facing various forms of abuse. The best way I can express that at this time is that it caused me to be hypersexual. I had a real problem because I used sex of various forms and masturbation both as a punishment and for pleasure. Mind you, this was also coupled with how I consumed and abused food for over a decade of my life. I struggled with receiving enough pleasure and enough abuse, because that was my norm.

Redefining THIS single and waiting season has been very interesting for me. This blog topic has definitely caused me to look back and examine so many different seasons of my life. At one point years ago when my daughter’s father was in prison, I was so committed that in knowing that he couldn’t drink, smoke and we couldn’t be intimate that I was going to be “completely sober.”

During another season following that time while I was single I was “saving myself” again. I was mostly dabbling with Christian men who played far too many games that now I can look back at and laugh about. From clothes burning to making out to “it’s only oral sex” all became okay. I decided that if I was going to end up heartbroken and done wrong by a man of God the same way that a dude from the streets would do, why even bother playing around with these MOGs?! (Now hindsight this was definitely a hasty generalization to make about all men that attended and served in church.)

So, now here I am in 2025. I am my most whole self. I have never been this committed, this deep, this devoted to God in any other time in my life- even when I was serving like 4 days a week and at church any time the doors where open! Y’all I love God AND I love myself more than I ever have before. I not only love, but I trust and have the greatest level of faith that I’ve ever experienced in and toward both God and me. I truly know who I am, Who’s I am and desire to only have God’s BEST for me and for His Will to be done. All of this is why I can and have been absolutely faithful to my abstinence journey in this season.

In my Obama voice “let me be clear,” yes I would LOVE to be able to share in intimacy with someone that I love! Shoot I would love to enjoy that connection multiple times a day, BUT only with that man that I am in covenant with. I learned to not just use sex as a weapon against myself or others, but to truly enjoy the blessing of being with someone I love- EVEN when they didn’t share the same level or kind of love that I had for them. To keep it absolutely a BUCK- I always prayed for my partner even during any form of sexual connection we would have! Seriously. I love sex, most definitely enjoy it and I know how to keep my other half pleased. Even with that being said, I never based my relationship on sex- my why was always bigger than that.

Let me break a few things down for you. You may not have had all of the drama or trauma or history that I have had, but you still may be having “opportunities” in your quest for absolute abstinence and purity. Why don’t I just bullet point for ya to share how I have been able to sustain and maintain my purity path this go around:

• #1 I stay in communion with God. Keeping in prayer and communication with The One that loves me the most and knows me best definitely helps. I don’t want to disappoint God. He gave up too much for me and He’s brought me thru too much to not give Him all of me. And by-golly I KNOW I’m a wife and I don’t want to be the cause of any delay in being FOUND!
  • Important Side Note: This is the first time being single that I don’t have marriage as an idol. This is the first time that I have been completely focused on my personal, professional and spiritual growth while enjoying my single season. And can I tell you this is incredibly refreshing praise God!!!
• I intentionally do NOT listen to or watch secular music if it’s in my control. 99% of the time I am listening to Christian HipHop, Spanish or Praise & Worship of some kind.
• Visual Stimuli: I have never had an issue with porn, but let’s face it, we live in a time that sex sells, everything is oversexualized and the regulations on what can/cannot be put in movies or on television can be pretty scary even just as a parent trying to protect your children.
  • I am very cautious and intentional about what I let in my eye gates! Again, I know me!
• For several months I wouldn’t even go to bed without pajamas and I hate wearing clothes to sleep! But I did this to set a boundary for myself. It was a constant reminder that I’m not playing games.
• I purposely avoided being in the mirror or passing by a mirror naked for a long time as well.
• Similar to that, I would be intentional about covering myself up while in a bath. Whether it was with bubbles or wash towels, I would eliminate the visual distraction of my own body so to not prompt any unnecessary desires.
• Oh! Yeah, I threw away my vibrator months ago! I’m like there is no reason to keep hiding it and facing the embarrassment of someone finding it so it was time to get it completely out of my house.
• I was in a season where I knew I was not supposed to be dating or any of the sort so that definitely helped as well. But I don’t “talk to”, be “caking” on the phone or be DM’ing with anyone so that has definitely been beneficial for not receiving any outside temptations for sure. It can be much harder when you KNOW it wouldn’t take nothing but a quick call or text and it could be on and poppin’! BUT God!
• Health: I will share more about this in my book and possibly a bit in a blog one day, but there are several health “opportunities” that I’ve had within these last 5 years. One of which both my doctor and physical therapist suggested digital stimulation as a tool to activate relief. Bro! I’m just gonna leave this one right here for now before I say WAY too much LOL!
• Sexually intrusive thoughts or visualization: Why does this make me think of my daughter’s favorite show “New Girl” LMBO! The episode when Jess was teaching her staff how to “shut it down!” Well we can always go to the Word of God for answers and in 2 Corinthians 10:5 and taking it further by looking deeper into the meaning of the scripture on Biblehub.com can be extremely helpful. Here is a short snippet below:

and we take captive every thought
The imagery of taking thoughts captive suggests a military action, reflecting the seriousness of controlling one’s mind. In the ancient world, captives were often paraded as a sign of victory. Similarly, believers are called to bring their thoughts under the authority of Christ. This is a call to mental discipline and aligns with Philippians 4:8, which encourages believers to focus on things that are true, noble, and praiseworthy. The mind is a battleground, and believers must be vigilant in aligning their thoughts with God’s will.

These are just some of the tools and intentional actions that I am or have taken to help me along my way. Because I know my sensitivities, proclivities and triggers if you will- with Holy Spirit, I am able to set myself up for success to continue winning in this area of my life. The discipline it takes is purposeful and I KNOW without a doubt that if I didn’t have God walking me through this I would not have made it this far. But God!!! God is so faithful.

The amazing thing about our Lord and Savior is that He literally already knows ALL, therefore nothing you share with Him will surprise Him or cause Him to love you any less. You can tell him anything and everything AND expect to hear a response from Him or direction from Holy Spirit. We can ask Him for forgiveness and we can and should also forgive ourselves for ever falling short throughout our journey. He’s such a good good Father with an agape unfailing love that never fails.

The pure fact that I can openly share all of this with you today is ONLY because God freed me last month in a way that I’ve been praying for for over 3 decades praise God!!! I am no longer living in shame. I am FREE and free indeed!!! Hallelujah!

God IS LOVE and he created sex so He understands! And sex is not a dirty word. I love all of the insight I have personally gleaned about sex from my favorite podcast Doing Life With Ken & Tabatha! I highly encourage you to check some of their episodes out.

So today I just want to encourage you to trust God, trust yourself and walk this journey out in expectancy. After all, your body is a temple that you are literally blessed to carry God in! He’s worthy and you’re worth the wait!

This blog today is intended to start up and welcome honest, healthy, open and transparent conversations that will help all of us grow and navigate this journey called life together! Be encouraged today love. God is for you!

Have a blessed day- On Purpose!

Love & Blessings,

Jana M. Gamble

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