Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. What are boundaries to me?
B – Basic O – Outline U – Utilized to N – Navigate D – Daily A – Activities R – Responsibly I – Identified E – Effects and S – Standards
Boundary setting assists one in feeling safe and communicating limits in a way that will be respectfully beneficial to both parties when followed. Unspoken boundaries cannot keep you “safe” if they aren’t communicated. It is important to use your voice- not in a demanding or authoritative way, but in a manner that is compassionate for both parties. Ultimately, always share in LOVE…loving kindness.
Personally, most of my boundary setting stems from the trauma therapy that I invested in myself. I learned how although I was using my voice well in leadership settings, bringing change and making waves for justice in professional relationships, I did not have the healthiest of parameters in my personal life. In hindsight, this had been a consistent thread throughout my journey. So for me to make some positive adjustments in my life both relationally with myself and others it was time to begin working to put these edges in place.
Searching ourselves by way of prayer, self reflection, evaluation and therapy are so very important to defining where you even need to start placing these invisible points of protection. Let’s pause here. Safety doesn’t always mean I think someone is going to stab me or attack me physically. Think of what it means to be safe in the most basic sense of the word.
4. Adjective
“A safe place is one where it is unlikely that any harm, damage, or unpleasant things will happen to the people or things that are there.” – Collins Dictionary
What do people put on when it’s raining, snowing, for an extra sunny day or because they need to leave their home? Anything that you can name most likely will be worn to protect them from the specific elements, laws or activities they will encounter. And you know if you do not take precautionary measures then you will have to face the consequences. Guess who else will have to face some repercussions? That will likely be anyone you interact with thereafter. As I continue to share with my children, ‘your choices effect everyone.’
What can happen when we do not set any boundaries in relationships of all kinds? This list of responses could go on and on. Do you know that the limits you set for both yourself and personal boundaries, which are for others, are ways to communicate in a healthy way? This creates a way to mutually respect one another.
12 “Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God’s Law and Prophets and this is what you get.” | Matthew 7:12 MSG
People may only know this as “The Golden Rule,” but let’s all be clear that this is rooted in the Word of God. Have you ever stopped to think about either of these bible verses, like I mean to really reflect on what this means to you?
After 40+ years of living on this earth I sat with these words in a completely new way. My contemplation lead me to delve into these next verses.
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a]38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]
Yeah sure, I love God, right?! With all of me…yeah I don’t know about that part quite yet. Are there areas of my life, mind, heart that I’m not letting God have access to?! Lord help me. If I don’t love God first how can I fully love myself or my neighbor?!
“Love your neighbor as yourself?!” How DO I love me? How am I showing love to myself and how are others being shown that it’s okay to love me by what I am allowing? Do I love me? Do I love me like God wants me to love me? How can I start loving me like God loves me? If I don’t love ME, then how am I loving my neighbor? Ask yourself these questions. Selah.
Something we must all also be mindful of and remember, is that everyone isn’t on a healing or growth journey. We need to recognize and be gentle with ourselves and others- being aware that they may not be open to understanding and that the new language you may be using, is probably unfamiliar to them. This is where you have an opportunity to lovingly teach those you interact with. You never know how educating them in what you are learning will inturn impact their life.
I believe that we all can do a better job and are constantly shifting throughout our lives in how we love ourselves as we continue to grow in various areas. So I would like to propose to you that as you learn to or press on with setting boundaries, that you start with an inward deliberation. Find out what seeds you can plant within your mind that will begin to take root as you water them, then grow into your heart and blossom through your lips and actions. May the seeds you sow be rooted in love- God is love and His Word is our roadmap to living a life of love.
Bienvenido! Welcome to my little corner of the world affectionately known as my Hola Mi Amor! blog. Don’t know Spanish? Well here I’ll give you the opportunity to not just explore love, but a little Spanish as well. I am a lover of LOVE. I can’t wait to share my love journeys with you!
Hola Mi Amor! 
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